Enough to go around.

   There he goes again, lamenting his glory, exaggerating his prowess, bragging on about every small accomplishment and every possible goal he's ever achieved. Rambling on and on about how hard he's worked for his small successes, like the whole world and all who inhabit it should stop and know about how much he's sacrificed and how great he is for doing so. It would seem that life is one big race to him. A race where only the winner's could win and everything else is considered inferior, second-grade, low-class, street-trash, ugh... you catch my drift. This displeases me, drawing up a frown on my face, and in doing so, puzzling me as well. Am i jealous? I'd like to think not. Truth be told, I'd like to think that there's enough success and happiness to go around.

   Many at times, we tend to fall into a delirious dogma where if others succeed, you would fail in their place. Silly, don't you think? Where in this wholesome world could a pitiful concept like this have sprouted? It's everywhere! And everyone! By golly, even I catch myself living up to this concept sometimes. I remember putting myself down the last time the results for our exams came out. I felt crestfallen when I looked at the near-perfect results of students who were better than me. Even though I progressed by leaps and bounds from the last examinations, I was too blinded by my need for praise and recognition that I felt bad for myself.

   In turn, I started to turn towards the poorer students for comfort. I would ask about their grades and feel alllll better about myself, giving myself an empty pat on the back for a job well done. I now realize how such a dogma not only made you feel bad, but also detrimented to your relationship with others. Detrimental in the fact that you're judging people based on their ability to be successful in terms of grades, charisma and general like-ablity. But really, are those the only things that make a person successful? We should really look further than that, and not be bogged down by such redundant details.

   I'm definitely not implying that good grades and a competitive nature are bad things to have around. When looked at and treated in the right way, these two things can be such a great driver in the ever-competitive society that exists today. We ought to be smart enough to not treat life as one big race. Life is probably too short for that. It ought to be be spent on having fun, being happy and enjoying good coffee. Then again, who am I to give good advice on life when I've only lived it for a measly 17 years. Ah, such arrogant of me.

   "Life is not a race, but indeed a journey." It's so corny, yet so true. Why should we treat life like a big race? Are we in such a hurry to get to the end?

       

   

    

Not all it's cut out to be.

    Checking through my accounts paper for the last time, I finally decided to pack up my things and walk out, before I started doubting my answers. Strutting out that classroom, I swore I was shivering and shaking as I stashed away all my stationaries and calculators. (Yes, I brought in more than one). And with that, I walked out of that exam hall, never to see the likes of one for a long time. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief, one of the heaviest I've heaved in awhile, shuddering for one last time before I did so. An euphoric feeling swept over me in an instant, as I thought about all the awesome things I'd do and how much fun I'd have now that SPM is over. "It was finally over" I thought, little did I know things had only just begun.

   Of course after that, I proceeded home to 'enjoy' by drowning myself in match after match of DotA 2 and many various outings with friends. I did everything I pictured myself doing when I was stressing myself out in that exam hall. "I'd have fun" I said, "I'd screw SPM and all the books..." I thought, "I'd enjoy myself sooooo much..." I supposed. And so off I went, doing a couple of stupid things here and there, thinking that it'll make me happy and that I'd enjoy myself at last. Needless to say, I did enjoy myself for a night or two, but what's next? Was I supposed to be enjoying myself for the rest of my life? Even enjoyment in overdose would turn out to be a dreadful bore as well.

    Hey, what is this?! I thought I was supposed to be living the life, the life of carefree-ness I have always dreamt of having after that dreaded examination. Isn't that what we all dreamt of? Being care-free and having all the fun you want after that one last examination? Instead, I'm sitting here ranting around like an old man. Truth be told, I've never felt this fun-less since I got my heart broken. And right now, I feel like more than my heart has been broken. What is this?! Clearly, you can sense my dissatisfaction and disappointment by the way i put a "!" at the back of my "?". I feel like I've been conned and scammed by some man in a corny business suit. Isn't life supposed to be fun and full of bliss after all that hard work I've pumped into my final examinations?!   Sadly, it would seem that no answer would come to emotional predicament, and I was left to ponder alone. To all SPM candidates out there, I'm sure you're feeling the way I do, and if you have yet to finish your examinations, here's a slight preview on what's about to come. I sighed to myself again, not in relief this time, but in a slight dissapointment. I feel it fair that somebody should've warned me about this. You'd think that all those post-SPM candidates would have something to say about this when they finished. But nooooo.... They'd watch you suffer from afar and laugh about over a cup of coffee and a bagel.

     
   So, here it is, all my labourous work and effort, awaiting to be thrown out. All my physics notes, my chemistry references and all lovely add math formulas, gone just like that, like dust in the wind. All that knowledge, prepared to be erased from my short-term memory for all eternity. Of course, with this ending, comes a new beginning. Hopefully, I'll be a tad more optimistic about my new phase of life. Just optimistic enough to get by.