Rest now

Rest now my heart, for now you are finally free.

  Rest now my heart, for you finally have nothing to worry about.

 Rest now my heart, for you finally know the truth.

   For the past year now, my love life has been little more than a stagnant pool of water. I know that not having an active love life is nothing to be ashamed of, but it sure feels bad when you see pretty people around you enjoying themselves with their partners. After all, we're all biologically programmed to find the person we're meant to spent our lives with, it's in our blood. Seeing other people achieve that, It makes you wonder if you'll ever be able to find something that beautiful too.

   A long long time ago, I thought I found exactly just that, that someone who made me feel special, my very first love. It was like a drug, I enjoyed myself so much I didn't see what was coming. Of course it had to come to an end, like all good things do. I just never expected such a sudden and decisive blow right to my heart. I guess you could say I was heartbroken, for quite a while in fact. But enough with the mushy details, this isn't what I turned on the laptop for today.

   Don't worry, it's been far too long for me to bear ill-feelings over what happened between me and her. It's just that, when she left me, she never really told me why she did so. Now bear in mind, I was completely head over heels for this girl, and for the entire time we were together, I thought she felt the same too. When she left me, I was completely dumbfounded, sort of how you'd sit there gaping when someone stole your refrigerator and nothing else. It's funny how something as simple as a reason can mess with you for so long.

   Of course I was realistic enough to let her go shortly after we broke up, I'm definitely not some helpless puppy who can't stand a break-up. People tend to be annoyed when you keep on sending them sobby messages. Unfortunately, there was still this worm wriggling up there inside my head. This big fat ugly worm that kept on making preposterous and illogical reasons for why she left. It even went as far to tell me that she left me because of my skinny-ness. 

   I always thought that not knowing the truth was my only way to have peace of mind. I was afraid to find out why she left me all that time ago, even though I could easily gain access to such information. Because I feared that once I found out, i'd obsess myself over the little details of what went wrong and such. And god, the last thing i needed at the time was more stress for my fragile self.


   But recently, the chance for me to find out the mind-boggling answer to my predicament presented itself. At first, I wanted to turn it down, but something nudged me. It was like my mind was telling me :" Alright, even of this crap, time to end this." And so I persisted, and found out from a very reliable source. I must say, it was a bit of an anticlimax for me, kinda like how you feel after you attend a really lame party. I kind of expected something.... more solid, something more substantial.


   I know I sound like a peev saying this, but what a relief! Finally I find out the reason for my very first heartbreak, and it wasn't even a good one! Strangely enough, I feel no regret for ever dating her, even though it cost me so much. And so, as I look at the younger ones dating, exactly like how I did, I kinda have a feel about what's going to happen next.